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Once upon a time in Nastacootchie County, there was a man
known as Uncle Daddy. After years of hard work, he found four very special
young men to carry on his life long ambition of spreading what only
he calls, "Honest Nastacootchie Values." Uncle Daddy
sent them forth into the world, and they became infamously known as:
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The one highway running through Nastacootchie County parallels the roots
of Bruno's family tree. As an oversized child, he enjoyed such frivolous pastimes
as cricket impaling, making homemade sassafras tea, and wiping his butt with
stolen poison sumac.
Bruno is also an experienced musician, who attempted to join the local symphony
orchestra. He was dismayed to find that while they had immense respect for his
talent, they had no need for his abilities to play the "skin flute."
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After winning the Dill Weed of the Year award at the county
fair, Willy Wacket decided to give up farming forever and become a useless bum.
Fortunately Uncle Daddy found him and instead of selling him into
sexual slavery (which was his style at the time), he taught him how to sing and dance.
While definitely not the most sexually mature of the group, Willy recently had
"relations" with his sister and two cousins.
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Often thought of as the "good looking one" in Nastacootchie County's blind
sector, Dick Dandy spent the majority of his youth in the library with his
books. However, in the "biggest local story of the year" (according to the Nastacootchie
County Town Cheesmo), he was forced to clean the semen stains from the
library carpet and ceiling.
Dick is fluent in the Kama Sutra, as well as many of his own techniques, such as
the "Twirling Swallow" and the "Fist of Fantasy." Dick's sexual expertise has
been very valuable in keeping the band in fresh supply of new ideas.
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Duke Dandy was once considered the prettiest girl in all of Nastacootchie
County. That was until of course everyone found out he had a penis. After the
story broke in the Town Cheesmo, he was quickly found and brought into the group.
Duke's musical background consists mostly of making noises with his body (a
highly sought trait in Nastacootchie County). When he succeeded in the highly sought
after "Knee Queef", he was hailed a local hero.
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Gudat Mbuti is widely known around the world for schmoozing his way into the top parody music acts of the time. Most notable are, "The New Kids On My Jock", and the ever popular "Back Street Joys", which Gudat joined at the young age of 7 as "the guy who gets things". Later, after offing a few band mates, Gudat found himself the leader of the band, only to quit 2 days later. He was quoted as saying "I don't want a solo career". After a string of "bad luck" with his later parody acts, leading to the death of all their members, Gudat decided to give up the Parody lifestyle once and for all. He started looking for an "Original" comedy music act.
Finally after years of extensive searching and many, many disappointments, Gudat found a birth certificate listing his real parents as Lunda Mbuti and Uncle Daddy. Using his status as an illegitimate brother, he schmoozed his way into "Dick Butt Kiss and the Tightends" and is now a full fledged member of the band. At least until he kills them all.
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Back in the fifties, Uncle Daddy became frightened, just like the rest of
America, about the red scare. Turns out Sputnik had flown right over
Nastacootchie County and given Uncle Daddy and his ladies the bird. This
steamed him like nothin' else might. To think: he had fought for freedom
more than onced, and now to get the finger from some Cosmonait! "Well,
they can beat me in the air, but sure enough, Nastacootchie ain't standin'
idly by, whilst someone's gonna beat us down hea!"
That's when he started to studyin' science. Thing was, without no books
around, he had to rely on the movies and the cartoons bein' shown down at
the Hippdrome. And, after watchin' the Bride of Frankenstein upward of
three times, he made himself a sexual woman who pleased him greatly. Why
he included reproductive organs, even he doesn't know, but as things
always turn out one way or t'other, she had a baby. Thing couldn't sing
nor play no kind of instrument, but being artistic, he sure could draw.
Lester Moore, they called him, and he's drawn many a naked lady for Uncle
Daddy's pleasure. Now, he's a full-time drawer for Dick Butt Kiss & The
Tightends.
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