Once upon a time in Nastacootchie County, there was a man
known as Uncle Daddy. After years of hard work, he found four very special
young men to carry on his life long ambition of spreading what only
he calls, "Honest Nastacootchie Values." Uncle Daddy
sent them forth into the world, and they became infamously known as:
Dick Butt Kiss and the Tightends
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The one highway running through Nastacootchie County parallels the roots
of Bruno's family tree. As an oversized child, he enjoyed such frivolous pastimes
as cricket impaling, making homemade sassafras tea, and wiping his butt with
stolen poison sumac.
Bruno is also an experienced musician, who attempted to join the local symphony
orchestra. He was dismayed to find that while they had immense respect for his
talent, they had no need for his abilities to play the "skin flute."
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After winning the Dill Weed of the Year award at the county
fair, Willy Wacket decided to give up farming forever and become a useless bum.
Fortunately Uncle Daddy found him and instead of selling him into
sexual slavery (which was his style at the time), he taught him how to sing and dance.
While definitely not the most sexually mature of the group, Willy recently had
"relations" with his sister and two cousins.
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Often thought of as the "good looking one" in Nastacootchie County's blind
sector, Dick Dandy spent the majority of his youth in the library with his
books. However, in the "biggest local story of the year" (according to the Nastacootchie
County Town Cheesmo), he was forced to clean the semen stains from the
library carpet and ceiling.
Dick is fluent in the Kama Sutra, as well as many of his own techniques, such as
the "Twirling Swallow" and the "Fist of Fantasy." Dick's sexual expertise has
been very valuable in keeping the band in fresh supply of new ideas.
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Duke Dandy was once considered the prettiest girl in all of Nastacootchie
County. That was until of course everyone found out he had a penis. After the
story broke in the Town Cheesmo, he was quickly found and brought into the group.
Duke's musical background consists mostly of making noises with his body (a
highly sought trait in Nastacootchie County). When he succeeded in the highly sought
after "Knee Queef", he was hailed a local hero.
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