HUNDREDS OF PILL BOTTLES FOUND IN RANDOM DIRTY DIAPER SEARCH.
POLICE SEEK TWO BALD MIDGETS AND A DONKEY AS 'FOREIGN OBJECTS OF INTEREST'
In what most would have considered unnecessary, undercover narcotics agents for the NBADTA
[Nastacootchie Bureau of Alcohol, Drug and Tobacco Acquisitions] began hand searching
each and every diaper, used or not, found on the premise of Mr. Lucas' Wacky Monkey World, a locally owned
and operated amusement park. Working from an anonymous tip by the accused's brother, police executed
search warrants on all 307 chimpanzees found on Mr. Lucas's property.
After hours of intense inspection and picture taking, the agents successfully acquired all the drugs they will need for this year's annual Fall Fest Jamboree. In the process of investigation, four barrels of government grade moonshine were also recovered and consumed. Mr. Lucas had this to say: "I'd never seen anything like it before. There was monkey poop all over their hands, and they'll all keep shouting, 'We found it! We found it! We're rich!' I'd never seen people so happy to have found a stash of horse tranquilizers." |
OFFICIAL CLASSIFIEDS FOR DICK BUTT KISS AND THE TIGHTENDS
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For Sale - 1975 Chevy Pickup. OK Cond. 1 door missing, needs new interior, funny smell. $800 OBO. Will consider trade for hummer
Learn to execute the double donkey punch with renowned cocksman Wilfred Carmichael. Only $50 plus food & gas. Use smoke screen code #57 |
1/2 Baby Ruth candy bar found. A little dirty, still tasty. 25 cents OBO
Earl, your goddamned bull has been molesting Bessie out in the field again. Make her cut it out! Baby Grand Piano - GC, only plays in the key of C. $399 555-6969, No calls please. |
Hey Trudy! You might not remember me, I was 2 guys under you last year at the Greater Nastacootchie Baptist Pile-up. I thought you were really cute, and you smelled great (I think it was you). If you think there's a chance, meet me at the Fall Fest Jamboree under the old oak. I'll be wearing the cowboy hat and the rubber. |
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