Monday, January 9, 2006	Official News for Dick Butt Kiss and the Tightends	Price: More than you got
NASTACOOTCHIE COUNTY SCOUT TROOP #420 WINS LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD In what can only be considered divine comedy, the only official Nastacootchie County Scout Troop, Troop #420, was honored Sunday evening for their community improvement programs. The troop has been credited for helping raise funds for various local construction programs including the Great Flood Restoration Project. Mayor R. A. Puddhelmet was present at the ceremony and had this to say: "If I had been lucky enough to hit puberty earlier, I might have had the honor of joining Troop #420 when I was a boy. Unfortunately, a freak unicycle accident made that impossible for me. I stand before you today, half of a man, not because I only have one testicle, but because of the large shadow this scout troop casts upon us. They have given life and limb to provide us with thousands of semi-erotic, informational pamphlets. I'm proud to say I know these men. Let us all stand close behind them in the future." DICK BUTT KISS AND THE TIGHTENDS PLANS FREE BENEFIT CONCERT IN NASTACOOTCHIE FOR THE MASTURBATORIALLY-INDUCED BLIND Despite their busy schedule, Dick Butt Kiss and the Tightends has announced they are planning a benefit concert for the multitude of Nastacootchians who have lost their eyesight from excessive masturbation activities. Despite the fact that the Department of Health has released a statement denying any connection exists between masturbation and blindness, Dick Butt Kiss and the Tightends has insisted they will continue with their plans. While the event has been designated for locals only, Dick Butt Kiss and the Tightends may very well be performing in your area soon. Please visit our Events page for more information about all of shows including these upcoming events: Friday, January 13, 2006 Dick Butt Kiss Goes Straight To Hell Atomic Burrito, Charlottesville, VA Thursday, January 19, 2006 Finger Lickin' Good Poe's Pub, Richmond, VA