LUCKIEST BROAD ALIVE OR COMMON HOUSEHOLD TRAMP?
WELL-RESPECTED, SELF-PROCLAIMED VIRGIN CLAIMS TO HAVE HAD CLANDESTINE ENCOUNTER WITH GENEROUSLY ENDOWED HOLY SPIRIT
During this month's town meeting,
the Virgin Mary, wife of Joseph Yosef, announced that she is currently
expecting her first child. With her reputation as a skilled cock-tease,
many are already asking how this possible.
According to the local Magi, the Virgin Mary has been officially diagnosed with
immaculatejaculatosis, a condition more commonly known as Immaculate Conception (IC).
IC is an extremely rare and severely enlightening disorder
characterized by messianic abdomen growth and
feelings of impending rapture. Because this is the first ever documented case of IC, much is still
unknown about the condition. But experts do believe it may lead to the saving of all mankind's souls
as well as virtually unlimited marketing opportunities for its supporters.
However, not everyone has been convinced by the Magi's explanation, and the Bethlehem Society for
Unnecessary Family Values has promised a full investigation to uncover the truth. A spokeswoman
for the organization released a statement accusing the Virgin Mary of a plethora of sinful acts,
including adultery and more recently, the promotion of contraception use. The B.S.U.F.V. also
claims to have photographic evidence of Mary's sordid trysts with Dolf the Butcher, as well as
half a dozen other men. Dolf is currently traveling abroad, and as of press date,
has been unavailable for comment.
While many questions remain, one thing seems certain: Religion as we know it is about to change
forever. Wars will be fought and lives will be lost as a result of a rumor of this magnitude.
And as with any historical discrepancy, there will always be those
who are right and those who lean to the right.
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